To Catch A Falling Star
by Ekai Ungson
Summary: Can love transcend even death? Sakura contracts the same terrible disease that claimed her mother's life several years ago... Added Syaoran's Eulogy New
1. On A Winter Night

To Catch A Falling Star  
by Erika Ungson  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP, not me! Everyone knows that!!  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Lotsa mush and angst; read at your own damn risk!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 1: On a Winter Night  
  
Winter.  
  
Powder-white snow was falling outside. She could see from her window. Falling, falling, but not hard as in a blizzard.   
Softly, like white rain.  
  
Children played outside, throwing snow balls and building snowmen. Some lay flat on their backs, flapping their   
arms and legs wildly to form snow angels.  
  
And there, some distance away, were men and women, couples-- walking home, laughing, carrying parcels and gifts  
and holding each other from the cold.  
  
She turned away, wanting to see no more. They only reminded her of a winter night, just like this one, long ago....  
when....  
  
It had never been quite the same to look at falling snow since... he left.  
  
Or rather, when she made him leave.  
  
Four years.  
  
A lifetime.  
  
Hers.  
  
She dropped a slender hand and her pink curtains fell back in place.  
  
she thought. I guess I'm not strong enough.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
"How is she?"  
  
"She's fine. I notice that whenever it's the winter season, she gets extremely agitated."  
  
Kinomoto Touya sighed. "Imouto..."  
  
"Does this have any special reason? Her sorrow?"  
  
"....I don't really know. She was always cheerful. Always."  
  
"It's nobody's fault, Touya."  
  
"Yes... nobody's fault."  
  
Touya entered his sister's room. "Kaijuu," he said, calling her a monster, the way he always used to before.  
  
She looked up. "Sakura wa kaijuu jannai no," she whispered. Weakly. Touya cursed himself. Never, never did she  
reply like this. Never, never did he want to hear her voice diminished like this. He would rather she yelled at him   
in vehemence and shouted at him harshly. Even swear at him. He would deem that acceptable. At least he'd know  
she was still bounding with insuppressable energy. Bubbling with life.  
  
Not like this. Never like this.  
  
Kinomoto Sakura looked into her brother's dark brown eyes and sighed. "Gomen. I promise to do better, 'nii-chan."  
  
Touya took her hand. "Sakura.... you don't always have to please other people."  
  
She smiled, and he found comfort in that. "But I want to, 'nii-chan. At least, before I--"  
  
"Say no more, imouto," Touya cut her off. "Don't even say it. Don't even think it. You're going to be okay. Like   
you always say. It's going to be all right."  
  
Her emerald eyes softened. "Yes... I'll be all right.."  
  
But inside she doubted.   
  
  
I don't think I'm going to be all right... ever again..  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*  
Winter snow, falling from the sky.   
  
Like blessings to those not fortunate enough to experience heaven on earth. For those who believe in magic and   
light, and beauty.   
  
A symbol of rebirth, of hope, and peace.  
  
And silence.  
  
Daidouji Tomoyo looked up at the sky. She remembered the time when she had felt so blessed. She had a loving   
mother, a nice lifestyle. A great talent. Friends. Love. She had a beautiful life.   
  
She had the most loving best friend in the world.   
  
And then tragedy struck.  
  
Four years ago....  
  
--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--  
"Sakura-chan, I'm going now!" thirteen year old Daidouji Tomoyo said.  
  
"All right, and thanks again for helping me today. I don't feel so good..." Kinomoto Sakura said softly.   
  
Tomoyo smiled. "You get well, okay?"  
  
"Hai, hai, otomodachi-san. See you."  
  
Tomoyo was barely out the door when a sickening thud sounded from behind her. She whirled around.  
  
Sakura lay slumped on the floor, unconscious.  
  
"Sakura-chan! SAKURA-CHAN!!!"  
--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--  
A few weeks later Tomoyo received the terrible news from Sakura herself.  
  
Sakura had contracted the same disease that had claimed Kinomoto Nadeshiko's life eleven years earlier.  
  
She had leukemia.  
  
It had broken Tomoyo's heart. Sonomi, her mother, had wailed painfully, and then later offered anything and everything  
to make Sakura better. Chemotherapy, the best doctors, equipment.  
  
To no avail. Sakura was in no worse shape than before, four years earlier.   
  
It also appeared that it was not only Tomoyo's heart that had been broken.  
  
A few days after Tomoyo learned of her best friend's illness, Li Syaoran had returned to Hong Kong without a word of   
farewell to anybody.  
  
Tomoyo wondered about that. Why was he leaving now, when Sakura was in pain?  
  
She figured that maybe Li-kun had not been able to handle it.  
  
But that wasn't right either. Li-kun was one of the bravest people Tomoyo had met in her life. And she knew that he'd do  
anything to take care of Sakura-chan, protect Sakura-chan. He'd do anything for her.  
  
She sighed. Now was not the time to dredge up four-year-old memories.   
  
Powdery-white snow continued to fall from the skies.  
  
Like blessings from the gods to those not fortunate enough to experience heaven on earth. 


	2. The Truth Lies Within

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CLAMP, but they own Card Captor Sakura! Okay?! Okay!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
* : thoughts  
" " : conversations  
  
Chapter 2: The Truth Lies Within  
  
"Onii-chan, otou-chan, do you mind quitting the somber look thing? I'm OKAY," Sakura   
told her brother and father cheerfully. "It happens all the time. But I'll get over it, and   
I'll be home soon."  
  
Kinomoto Fujitaka moved forward to hug his daughter. What a bright little ray of sunshine  
she was, full oflaughter and hope in the face of adversity. "I have to go to work now, all  
right? Will you be okay?"  
  
"I will be. Have a good day, otou-chan."  
  
When Fujitaka left the room, it was bathed in tense silence.  
  
Sakura waited for the other shoe to drop. *One... two... three.*  
  
"I failed you again, imouto," Touya said.  
  
She looked up. Of all the ridiculous things she expected himto say, this took the cake.   
"Onii-chan, that's not true and you and I both know it. My seizures are a part of the   
leukemia. It's NORMAL. And they don't hurt me at all."  
  
Well, that was a lie. But anything to stop her brother's paranoia sounded really good right  
now. Her brother had tendencies to exaggerate. He began going overboard when she was   
diagnosed with the illness. He thought that if ANYTHING touched her, she would break.  
  
"It's not just that, Sakura! It's everything-- if I took better care of you, then you wouldn't  
be here right now. You'd be safe..." Touya muttered.  
  
"Onii-chan," Sakura began gently. "Some things you can protect me from. Some things you  
can fight for me. But some things..." her voice trailed off. "Some things are just plain  
inevitable. Some things you cannot prevent."  
  
Touya held his sister tightly. "You're going to get well," he whispered, more for his   
benefit than hers. "You'll be fine, and when you get out of here, I'll never let anything  
hurt you again."  
  
Sakura smiled. "Hai, 'nii-chan."  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Tomoyo came in later that night.  
  
"How are you, otomodachi-san?" she asked.  
  
"Genki desu," Sakura replied cheerfully. "I'll be out of here soon, I just know it. So how   
was school? Are they okay?"  
  
"Everybody's fine and they wish you well," Tomoyo answered. "Yamazaki-kun and Chiharu-  
chan said they'd be dropping by soon."  
  
"That's great, I haven't seen them in forever," Sakura said. "Isn't Athletics Festival this   
week already?"  
  
"How did you know about that?"  
  
"Yukito-san told me he saw you guys preparimg. I hope our class wins," she said.   
  
Sakura hadn't gone to school in two years due to her hospitalization. But she still referred  
to their batch as "our class".  
  
Tomoyo smiled. "Everyone hopes you get well, and soon. We can't very well win the Festival  
without you."  
  
Sakura laughed. "I'm sure you'll find a suitable replacement. Syaoran-kun is----"  
  
Tomoyo looked up.  
  
Sakura's smile faltered. "I.. keep forgetting. Syaoran-kun... he hasn't written, has he?"  
  
Tomoyo hesitantly shook her head. She rushed to comfort her friend. "....It's gonna be okay.   
When you get out, we'll go on a trip and drag him back to Japan with us, don't worry," she   
jokeed.  
  
Sakura smiled weakly. "I don't think he'll like that."  
  
"But it's going to be fine. Everything will be fine when you get out of this place," Tomoyo  
reassured her.  
  
Sakura tried to keep smiling, but she failed. *He's not coming back. Not after what I did...  
And you know what? It hurts even more like that because I pushed him away....*  
  
Her emerald eyes grew blank, and she passed out.   
  
Tomoyo stood up. "Sakura-chan? Oh--- Sakura-chan!!"  
  
Doctors and nurses rushed in at the sound of her screams. They tried frantically to revive  
Sakura and bring her backinto the world of the living, holding on to that strand of life   
they knew she still held.  
  
*Hold on, Sakura-chan, please....*  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
"How is she?" Touya asked in a low voice. Sakura was sleeping now, not unconscious.  
  
"... Sakura-san's condition is not good. Her cells are rejecting the therapy," the doctor  
replied. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but.... it's like she has no more desire to live. Touya-san,  
I'm sorry. But if your sister continues like this, she will have no more than one month to   
live, as her cells are rapidly deteriorating. Two at most."  
  
Touya gasped. "No..."  
  
Tomoyo's eyes filled with tears. This was the first time that Sakura was given an  
ultimatum. It was so.... final. "Ma....saka."  
  
"My sister is not that weak," Touya muttered. "She knows I still need her. Otou-san still  
needs her. We all do. Can't she understand that?"  
  
Tomoyo's eyes shot open. That was it. "Kinomoto-kun... maybe that's it. Maybe she's   
tired of living... for us, and not for her own benefit."  
  
"What are you saying, Tomoyo?"  
  
"Sakura told me once... that she lived for someone, and as long as she had that someone,  
she would always be happy, and she would never give up."  
  
"And who might that be?" Touya asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew.  
  
*The gaki?*  
  
"Li-kun left four years ago," Tomoyo whispered. "He might be it."  
  
"Why the heck did that kid leave anyway?" Touya questioned.   
  
"He didn't say. In fact, he didn't say a word. he just up and left," Tomoyo answered. "But I'll  
get to the bottom of this, and I'll bring him back. he might be the key."  
  
"What if he doesn't want to?"  
  
"I'll drag him back if need be," Tomoyo whispered. "For Sakura-chan."  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
There was a biting chill to the wind that night, as he walked home from school. It was quite late,  
but he'd just finished the school's council work, and now he was free to do as he wished for the   
winter break.  
  
Winter. He could smell it in the wind, feel it in the breeze.  
  
And with it he felt again that terrible emptiness he kept trying to forget during the other   
seasons of the year.  
  
*"Just... let me go. Let me go."*  
  
His chest tigtened. Didn't he love her enough back then?  
  
Didn't he love her enough now?  
  
He tried to guard his heart against the onslaught of memories, but he failed. They were  
too clear, too vivid, too painful.  
  
One winter night, long ago.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
"You wanted to talk to me?" he asked.   
  
"I'm sorry if I woke you up," she said. Her voice, when it came, was colder than the   
Arctic and not brimming with its usual warmth.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked as he moved forward.  
  
She took a step back. Not the response he had expected. Something was definitely up.  
  
He repeated the question.  
  
She sighed audibly, which he took as a bad sign. Her body language was telling him  
to stay away, far away from her.  
  
"I have.. to..." she breathed and repeated her sentence. "I'm breaking up with you,   
Li-kun."  
  
He froze,as if hit with ice-cold water. "Why?!" he questioned.  
  
"Just--- I, just don't ask. I just want to."  
  
"What kind of stupid answer is that?" he muttered as he grabbed her arm. "Tell me why!"  
  
"Let me go," her voice was breaking.  
  
"Why?" he repeated.  
  
She looked up at him, and in her wide emerald eyes he saw fear, embedded, and pain.   
He was shocked. She'd never looked at him in this way. Never.  
  
"Just... let me go. Let me go."  
  
He let her go. She looked into his eyes once, then turned and ran in the opposite   
direction, fighting snow and sleet just to get away.  
  
The next day, he left Japan.  
  
At first, he began to rationalize. This was all for the best. Now he wouldn't have to  
feel guilty about the family honor entrusted on him, the same one he threw away when   
he decided to fall for her. Now he could forget the shame he'd placed on the family   
name. He could go away, forget anything had happened, as a solemn vow to his ancestors.  
  
He returned to China with a clear mind, a purged conscience, and an aching heart.  
  
*Fool,* he berated himself as he went up to his room. *Four years have not changed you.*  
  
At that moment, the phone rang.  
  
He picked up. "Hello?"  
  
"Li-kun? This is Daidouji Tomoyo."  
  
An eyebrow rose. "Daidouji? How in the world did you get my number?"  
  
"That's not important right now-- Li-kun, listen well. Sakura-chan is in bad shape--"  
  
*Sakura's in what?!* He couldn't stop himself. Worry for the girl washed over him in   
frustrating waves. "What happened to Sakura? Accident? Is she sick?"  
  
Tomoyo paused. "... You mean she didn't tell you?"  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
Tomoyo sighed. "I figured. That's why you went back without a word."  
  
"Tell me WHAT?"  
  
Tomoyo sighed again, deeper this time. "Li-kun... don't be shocked. Sakura-chan...  
she's been in the hospital for four years now. She has... leukemia."  
  
*"She has... leukemia."*  
  
It seemed like time froze for an eternity to let this sink into his mind.  
  
"Leu... kemia?"  
  
"She inherited the disease from her mother. And.. Li-kun.. she hasn't been well.  
She rejects the treatment administered to her. As a result, she might..." Tomoyo's  
voice broke. "--Sakura-chan has no more than two months to live."  
  
Visions of an energetic girl floated before his eyes.   
  
*"Syaoran-kun, we're going to the store! Wanna come?"  
  
"Syaoran-kun! Give me a hand up, okay?"  
  
"Can you help me solve this problem, Syaoran-kun?"  
  
"HOOEE!! Syaoran-kun!!"  
  
"Isn't this fun, Syaoran-kun?"  
  
....  
  
"Hoe.. masaka. You're the PRINCESS?"  
  
"Thanks for your help, Li-kun. But I won't need it next time."  
  
"---Teddy Bear festival! You wanna go with us, Li-kun?"  
  
"About this afternoon.. at the elevator? You called me Sakura! I really think we're good   
friends now. May I call you Syaoran?"  
  
....  
  
"Please forget me... erase me from your heart forever!"  
  
....  
  
"Syaoran-kun, I love you most of all!"*  
  
He was brought back to reality by the sound of Tomoyo's voice. "So will you come back,  
Li-kun? At least... to see her.. and let her see you once.. before.."  
  
Syaoran closed his eyes.   
  
*How could you not let me know, Sakura? Didn't you think I was strong enough?*  
  
"I'll go, Daidouji. I'll go at once." 


	3. Reflections

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CLAMP but they own Card Captor Sakura! Okay?! Okay!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
This chapter is for my friends, Luna-chan and Tomoyo-chan. Love you guys!  
  
* : thoughts  
  
Chapter 3: Reflections  
  
Mirrors.  
  
Fascinating, really, how they could reflect who you are and what was there.  
  
She'd quit looking at mirrors two years ago, since her chemo started. Well, you really   
couldn't blame a girl for not trying. Would you actually choose to look at a reflection   
if all you saw was a girl whose skin was ghostly pale and whose hair was falling out  
due to the radiation? Really. But that wasn't the only reason.  
  
She didn't like looking at mirrors because reflected there, in her eyes, was her sorrow.  
  
And she didn't want to see that.  
  
She knew, in her heart, that she didn't have long enough to live on this world to rid   
herself of the pain.  
  
But she could deny it.  
  
She wanted the people around her to remember her as cheerful, happy, and not tragic.  
  
Her last exit in the final act of this play called Life.  
  
They say mirrors reflect not only your physical confines. They also reflected your   
soul, and what you held in your heart.  
  
She raised her eyes to the glass and knew they were right.  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
The airport.  
  
Corny as it may seem, the most pivotal moments of his very life had all happened in this location.  
  
The noise of people, coming and going, airplanes landing and taking off, the intercom   
announcing the flights, and people, saying goodbye or hello. All these provided the   
background music to those moments of epiphany.  
  
Here he had arrived once with a greedy heart and a stoic disposition. When he left, he was   
a changed man. And all because SHE had taken the time to bring his over-inflated head   
back to earth and teach him the values of friendship, life, trust.   
  
And love.  
  
Here he lost a fiancee, and gained a best friend. Here he experienced one of the best moments  
of his life, and some of the worst moments of his life.  
  
*"You will go to Japan, Xiao Lang, and recapture those cards. Family honor demands this."  
  
"---Landing in Tomoeda, Japan---"  
  
....................  
  
"Always rememeber your promise to me, Syaoran, okay? You will marry me if you don't   
find another girl to love!"  
  
....................  
  
".... I can't believe you broke your engagement with me BUT you still haven't told Kinomoto   
how you feel! How dopey of you! You have to go get the girl now!"  
  
....................  
  
"... Umm... Syaoran-kun.... can I.... have that bear you're holding?"  
  
"I promise to wait for you... no matter how long it takes!"*  
  
And she did wait until his return. Only to push him away to hide a secret from him.  
  
She'd almost succeeded, too.  
  
He should've known. She was far too sacrificial for her own good, to want to push him away in   
order for him not to see her pain.   
  
And she knew him too much, because she knew that it would hurt him to see her like that, and so   
she thought to hit him in one quick blow, reject him, push him away.  
  
So that he would not get hurt everytime she was hurt.  
  
He shook his head ruefully, sadly.  
  
*Sakura, Sakura. You know me too well.*  
  
One blow to him, a thousand to herself. In exchange for his peace and her sorrow for the next few years.  
  
*Sakura, Sakura. I know you too well.*  
  
....  
  
*"Please.... erase me from your heart... forever!"*  
  
Oh, she knew him so well, knew that if she hit him with that one last blow, push him away with that   
much strength, he'd do as she expected. Walk away and never look back.  
  
Smart girl, very smart. So talented that he didn't even think of it in the least 'til now. She'd learned  
to hide her emotions well, too well. He hadn't even seen it coming.   
  
....  
  
*"Sakura-chan has... leukemia."*  
  
.....  
  
*Well, sorry, Sakura. Your plan didn't work after all. I'm back, I'm here, and I still love you.*  
  
*I always will.*  
  
*So don't die on me yet, Princess.*  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Touya sighed as he closed the door softly on his sisters room.  
  
He had found her staring listlessly out at the winter night again. He tried to analyze that. It was not only   
during winter that she was like that. Every day, every season, when he'd find her alone, she was staring  
outside, emerald eyes blank.  
  
But it WAS every winter that it seemed that her smiles grew less in intensity, her laughter lacked heart,  
and the glow in her eyes dimmed considerably.  
  
Touya didn't believe this was due to the sickness eating away at his sister's body.  
  
Something else had broken her spirit, but it was not the disease. And it had broken her at the same time  
the illness had struck.  
  
Why did it have to be his sweet, beautiful sister being thwe one claimed? She had done nothing wrong.  
  
It should've been him.  
  
Yes, he would rather suffer and die in the place of his only sister.  
  
If only to protect her from that much.  
  
If only to protect her from everything.  
  
He wondered what would happen if life were that way.  
  
Sakura would cry and weep, but she would be alive, and that was all that mattered to him. Because as long as   
she had life, she could move on and still be happy.  
  
He began to walk out of the hospital, seeking solace from his sorrow. He saw his father's car pull up, so he  
waved and started for home.  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
".... Sakura-chan?"  
  
Sakura turned to him with those beautiful emerald eyes of hers, and he saw in her, right there...  
  
*Nadeshiko.*  
  
"Hello, otou-chan," she said. "How was your day?"  
  
*"Hello, Fujitaka. How was the university today?"*  
  
"Fina, just fine. How are you?" he replied.  
  
She smiled, a smile so alike her mother's in every way. "Nothing happened. Same as usual."  
  
"Did you take your medicine?"  
  
"Yes, 'tou-chan."  
  
*"Yes, Fujitaka."*  
  
"And you didn't stress yourself?"  
  
"No, I didn't, 'tou-chan."  
  
*"I didn't, Fujitaka."*  
  
Same smile, same eyes, same beauty. Same sweet disposition. Same warm laugh.  
  
And now it was the same illness now claiming his daughter's life as it had claimed his Nadeshiko's.  
  
*Iie. I will never let it happen.*  
  
....  
  
*"Anata... take care... of Touya... and Sakura. Promise me... that you will not let any harm come to  
them. Protect them... my love... and... and...."*  
  
"'Tou-chan, daijoubu ka?" Sakura asked.   
  
*"Tell them I love them very much..."*  
  
His daughter, practically the mirror image of his Nadeshiko.  
  
*I will not lose my daughter.*  
  
He had lost once, and he wasn't going to let it happen again.  
  
He was going to fight.  
  
He hugged his daughter abruptly, surprising her.  
  
"'Tou-chan?"  
  
"I love you, Sakura-chan."  
  
*I love you, Nadeshiko.* 


	4. Return to Forever

To Catch A Falling Star  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CLAMP but they own Card Captor Sakura! Okay?! Okay!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
This is dedicated to my own Syaoran-kun, Ryan. Ai shite ru.  
  
Chapter 4: Return to Forever  
  
Could time be frozen still for all eternity?  
  
Make it stop. Make the earth remain stationary. Make the sun refuse to rise, or set, as the  
case may be. Make everything stay still, for forever and forever.  
  
Because he knew that each day that passed lessened the days that she would spend living on  
earth.  
  
*I can't lose you.*  
  
Each morning that the sun rose and each night that the sun set, her lifetime was cut short by   
still one day. It wasn't fair. They always said that you didn't know when you were going to   
die. Why her, and why now?  
  
*Don't leave me here.*  
  
Twenty-four hours would come and then go, fleeting, and then slow, but moving, always  
moving, forward, always forward.  
  
He had so little time. Too little time.  
  
*Stay with me.*  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Sakura opened her eyes to bright morning sunlight. Brighter, because it was so amplified  
by the stark whiteness of the snow outside her window.  
  
She smiled, but she seemed detached. To any random person, she would look like a tragic  
heroine of a play, beautiful, haunting. To close friends and family, they would see she was   
sad. But that wasn't the case at all. It was as if... she wasn't really there.  
  
Another day had come.  
  
One less day to her stay with the living.  
  
She wasn't sad about it. She held no pain about the unfairness of it all. It was something  
inevitable, after all, and the sooner she accepted it, the better.  
  
She didn't want to cry about it anymore, because she knew she could spend that time crying  
smiling instead, and being happy, and helping the others feel secure that she would not leave   
this world in sorrow.  
  
She wanted to be happy before she left.  
  
She felt no pain, no sadness.  
  
But there was always regret. For what might've been. For what she did not have, would not  
have.  
  
The door opened. It was her cheerful nurse, Yanagi.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimas, Sakura-chan," Yanagi greeted. "You okay?"  
  
She nodded. "I haven't seen you in a long time, Yanagi-chan. What have you been up to?"  
  
Yanagi giggled. " I've been on vacation."  
  
"Really? Did anything special happen?"  
  
The nurse blushed. "My boyfriend... he just asked to marry me."  
  
"That's great!" Sakura replied. "Invite me, okay?"  
  
Yanagi smiled as she set Sakura's breakfast down "Of course, Sakura-chan. I'll talk to you   
more later, okay?"  
  
"Jaa ne," she called as her nurse closed the door. Then she returned her gaze to the snow outside.  
  
*That could be you and me, Syaoran-kun. I could be the one you're planning your future with right  
now. We'd finish school, get jobs. Get married. Live happily ever after...  
  
But... I'm sorry.  
  
It's just that-- I let you go, so that you wouldn't be deprived of a future yourself, as I am. It  
wouldn't be fair for you to get hurt, too, just because I am.  
  
Can't you understand that?  
  
I was trying to save you.  
  
I loved you that much.  
  
I still do,*  
  
"-- Syaoran-kun."  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
He opened the door, cherry blossoms in hand. It had taken him a long time to find any, since  
the flowers never bloomed any time else other than spring.  
  
Her pink curtains were open to the brightness outside. Her sheets covered her up to her waist.  
  
And there she was, sitting quiet, too absorbed in her own thoughts to hear him come in.  
  
*What are you thinking?*  
  
Auburn hair fell along the sides of her face, and her skin had gone pale. She appeared to be so  
delicate, as if she'd break the second she was touched.  
  
*Who are you thinking of?*  
  
His question was answered when he heard her whisper his name.   
  
"-- Syaoran-kun."  
  
And there it was. Release. All his doubt, all his pain, gone in one softly spoken word.  
  
He took a step closer, and she started.  
  
She turned her green eyes on him and blinked disbelievingly.  
  
This had to be some new complication of her sickness, she mused absently. Now she was hallucinating,  
too. All thought and all mobility had left her.  
  
"Sakura-chan," he whispered.  
  
Mirage. Illusion. Ummm... evil clone? There had to be some logical explanation. It couldn't be him   
standing there.  
  
It couldn't be Li Syaoran standing there.  
  
And then as she stared into his smiling eyes it sank in.  
  
It WAS really him.  
  
Messy brown hair, and astonishingly clear amber eyes.  
  
But what in Kami-sama's name was he doing here?  
  
Suddenly it didn't matter.  
  
Tears blurred her vision even as she smiled.  
  
He moved forward and held her, flowers forgotten, surroundings forgotten.  
  
All that mattered was her, and him, together, right that moment.  
  
"... Gomen nasai, Syaoran-kun..." she whispered apologetically. "I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"There's nothing to be sorry about," he replied. "It's all right now. It really is."  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Touya smiled.  
  
Yes, he still disliked China Boy. But if he could make his sister happy, then who was he to argue?  
That really was all that mattered.  
  
Now maybe he wouldn't have to lose his only sister.  
  
And she could move on, with life. 


	5. So Cold

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CLAMP, but they own Card Captor Sakura! Okay?! Okay!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
* : thoughts  
" " : conversations  
  
Dedicated to Joyce-chan, who finished this whole fanfic already, and cried.  
  
Chapter 5: So Cold  
  
*"Promise me you will not cry."  
  
"I won't have to. You're going to get well. I promise you that."*  
  
She stared at their hands clasped together. It had been like that for the past few days. He   
never wanted to leave her side. He never wanted to let her go.  
  
But what if he had to?  
  
She leaned against him. She didn't want to think about that.   
  
"Why are you so quiet?" he asked.  
  
She paused. "Thinking."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Us."  
  
She already thought she'd dispelled him for good. So his mind would not be occupied of   
worry for her.  
  
But here he was, still caring.  
  
And here she was, all resolve broken.  
  
How ironic.  
  
"Us and..?" he prompted.  
  
"Us and how hopelessly rom,atic we are," she teased.  
  
He laughed. "Is that bad?"  
  
"It's so corny."  
  
She smiled up at him. He smiled back.   
  
His hand squeezed hers. "Are you happy?"  
  
*Right now I am.*  
  
She nodded.  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
"What's her condition, Doctor?" Touya asked.  
  
"Really good. Remarkable, even. She's not rejecting the chemo anymore. This past week   
her stats rose from negative to positive."  
  
"So she's going to live?"  
  
"There's a very good chance she will. But--"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I wouldn't celebrate anytime soon, Touya-san. Leukemia sometimes declines for a period of   
one, two weeks. And then it returns. I hate to disappoint you, but Sakura-san's not out of   
danger yet."  
  
The date was December 20.  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Sakura held the glass in her hands, momentarily transfixed in the clear liquid it held.  
"You should go. It's late."  
  
"You sure you'll be okay?" Syaoran asked.  
  
"I'm more concerned about you getting some food and sleep right now," she replied.  
  
He turned to her with a worried look on his face.   
  
She smiled gently. "I'll still be here tomorrow. Go home."  
  
An eyebrow rose.   
  
"I promise!" she said. "Go on," she teased. "Get a life."  
  
He burst out laughing. "You _are_ my life."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, whatever."  
  
His eyes turned serious. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too," she replied. "Now go."  
  
Syaoran turned to walk out but was barely out the door when he heard the loud shatter   
of glass behind him.  
  
He whirled around, and saw Sakura beginning to fall. Unconscious.  
  
He caught her in time, thankfully, and lifted jer limp form back onto the bed with some   
panic.  
  
"Sakura--- Sakura!"  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Everything happened in a blur to Syaoran. Various people in white came in and wheeled  
Sakura off.  
  
Into intensive care.  
  
And when he opened his eyes later, he discovered that Sakura had gone into comatose.  
  
And that it would take a lot of time and effort to revive her. IF they could revive her.  
  
He could only stand, frozen, as Tomoyo burst into tears and Touya looked grimly at the  
floor.  
  
The doctor had just said that Sakura may not survive.  
  
*No.  
No.  
No!*  
  
Watching as nurses attended to her through a glass window, her skin glowing in contrast   
to the darkness.  
  
*"I'll still be here tomorrow. Go home!"  
"I promise."  
"I love you, too."*  
  
And now, there she was, bathed in moonlight and shadows.  
  
Suddenly it was so cold.   
  
He wasn't going to let it end like this for her.  
  
*You promised me, Sakura. Stay with me, here, always.*  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
Author's Notes:  
Don't hate me 'cause it's so short! When I write it down in a notebook, it covers almost  
three or four pages. It's finished! Just two chapters more... Sorry it took so long!  
*hits the always-broken PC  
  
--Ekai 


	6. Demons to Fight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CLAMP, but they own Card Captor Sakura! Okay?! Okay!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
* : thoughts  
" " : conversations  
  
Dedicated to syaoran no hime; Happy Holidays, imouto-chan.  
  
Chapter 6: Demons to Fight  
  
Three days and still Sakura had not opened her eyes.  
  
Syaoran kept constant vigil at her side, wanting to be the first person she would see when she woke up.  
  
She was cold, always so cold, like ice, like marble. But he kept his hold on her.  
  
He would protect her, even from death.   
  
He never saw the sun rise or set. He had no recognition of night or day. He only knew Sakura, still there, still tangible, but frozen, unmoving.  
  
And his heart ached for her.  
  
*Open your eyes and give me a sign,* he willed her. *Give me some hope, something I can hold on to.*  
  
Emerald eyes haunted his consciousness, asleep or awake. Emerald eyes full of love and understanding.  
  
*"Promise me you will not cry."*  
  
He tried his best not to.  
  
If only she knew that he was experiencing the very feelings she wanted to protect him from in the first place.  
  
*Why?  
  
Why you, of all the people in the world?  
  
Why you? Sweet, beautiful you?*  
  
He held on to her hand as a drowning man would hang on to a lifeline.  
  
*Don't let go.*  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
Watching her lie there was too much, even for Touya.  
  
It wasn't right, wasn't fair, wasn't everything he wanted it to be.  
  
Sakura had done nothing wrong.  
  
She wasn't supposed to die like this.  
  
She had no prices to pay, no deals that were broken. She had never broken promises in her life and the only thing she was doing wrong was scaring him the way she was doing now.  
  
*Come on, imouto. Fight this. I'll never call you kaijuu again. I'll never stand in the way of Chinese Gaki. I'll never let you do double chores again. Just smile. Just open your eyes. Just talk. Move.  
  
Live.*  
  
He couldn't see her like this.  
  
*Did I do anything wrong to make her be the price we have to pay?*  
  
He closed his eyes, defeated.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
Fujitaka had sank into deeper despair.  
  
What could he do to fight what was happening? He was just a man. He cursed now his mortality. It was the biggest hindrance-- his limitations could not enable him to save the people he loved most.   
  
*Why do you have to take her?*  
  
He buried his head in his hands frustratedly when no answer came.  
  
*"Some things you can protect me from. Some things you can stop. But some things you cannot prevent..."*  
  
And why-- why was she so calm? As if she'd already accpeted her fate...  
  
*IIE!*  
  
Change her fate if need be.  
  
He would not lose.  
  
*"... no harm..."  
  
"... protect them..."  
  
"I love them... very much..."*  
  
Nadeshiko...  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
"Can you hear me?"  
  
The words hung suspended in the still silence of the air, and then gone.   
  
Still, she did not move.  
  
Syaoran closed his eyes. "Sakura... I know you can hear me. Listen," he whispered. "Fight this, all right? Fight for us. I.." his voice broke. "I can't live.. without you."  
  
The regular beating of her heart beeped in signals on the monitor. Her soft, deep breathing through the machine. The low buzz of the airconditioner.  
  
And silence.  
  
Silence so deafening.  
  
And darkness, suffocating him.  
  
*"I'll still be here tomorrow. I promise!"*  
  
Her laughter, ringing in his ears.   
  
Her eyes, tormenting him.  
  
*"Help me, Syaoran-kun! Please help me..."*  
  
A sob escaped his throat and tears fell from his eyes.   
  
*How can I?  
  
How can I release you?*  
  
"Sakura....." 


	7. Beyond Forever

To Catch a Falling Star  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DISCLAIMER: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP!! Not to me!  
DISCLAIMER: "Butterfly" appears courtesy of Mariah Carey and her record label, which I also do not own. ^-^  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 7: Beyond Forever  
  
*"Okaa-chan... do I really have to?"  
  
"Yes, child. You have to go with me now."  
  
"Can I... say goodbye?"  
  
"To who?"  
  
"To all of them."  
  
"I'm afraid I can only grant you one night, my dear."  
  
"One night?"  
  
"Just for one person."  
  
"'kaa-chan.. after all I saw today.. I... can't have that anymore, right?"  
  
"One day, in another lifetime, perhaps."  
  
"I feel sad."  
  
"...My child.."  
  
"Iie. Daijobu da yo. One night, 'kaa-chan. Then I'll go with you. But, 'kaa-chan..."  
  
"Yes, dear?"  
  
"'kaa-chan, did you ever tell 'tou-chan goodbye?"  
  
"... Hai. I did."  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
The night was dark and the wind was cold on the coldest night of the year.  
  
Christmas Eve.  
  
Tomoyo stood on the stage in the town square, where a piano sat for the Winter Concert. She stared at the instrument's black exterior.  
  
Sakura had not yet opened her eyes.   
  
The doctors feared she never would.  
  
Tears fell from her eyes to the ivory keys.   
  
*"Next year at Christmas, I'll watch you at the Winter Concert. I'm sure I'll be all right by then. Okay?"*  
  
She sobbed. "Oh, Sakura-chan..."  
  
Someone touched her shoulder. She looked up.  
  
"Eriol."  
  
Hiragizawa Eriol smiled sadly at her. "I don't think she'll like it if you cry," he said, sitting beside her on the bench.  
  
She let her head rest on his shoulder. "I guess you're right."  
  
Later, she turned to him. "Eriol-kun."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I want you to play `Butterfly' for me."  
  
He nodded.  
  
  
**When you love someone so deeply   
They become your life  
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside  
Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass  
Now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands  
And watch you rise...**  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
Touya opened the door to his sister's room.  
  
And met the beautiful eyes of Kinomoto Nadeshiko.  
  
He stared in awe as the beautiful figure of his mother was revealed to him. "O-Okaa-san....."  
  
Nadeshiko smiled. "Touya-kun."  
  
"Why are you here, okaa-san?" Touya asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the realization hit him, freezing his blood. "No..."  
  
"I'm here, my love, to claim your sister...." Nadeshiko whispered. "It's time for her to go with me."  
  
Touya shook his head furiously. "Iie.... please, okaa-chan.. don't do this. I need her. Otou-san still needs her. We all do."  
  
Nadeshiko smiled sadly. "I can't prevent the inevitable, Touya, my dear. I have to take Sakura-chan with me now." She turned her eyes to Sakura's bed, and Touya followed her gaze.   
  
There, two hands were entwined.  
  
Sakura's and Syaoran's.  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
"Syaoran-kun."  
  
What...?  
  
"Syaoran-kun.. please open your eyes."  
  
Sakura-chan?  
  
"It's me."  
  
What's happening?  
  
He looked around and saw that he was under an oak tree in front of a large white house above the hill. A swing was there, too, hanging by a branch. And that was where she sat.  
  
He heard the creak of wood and turned.  
  
Sakura smiled at him as she moved back and forth on the swing hanging from a branch. Dressed in all white from head to toe. "Glad you're awake," she said. "Well, sort of."  
  
"... Is this a dream?" he asked.  
  
"Technically," she replied.  
  
"Are you a dream, too?"  
  
"Nope. I'm the real thing," she replied cheerfully.  
  
An eyebrow rose skeptically.   
  
"Go on if you want me to prove it," she laughed.  
  
"Birthday."  
  
"April First."  
  
"Favorite flower."  
  
"Sakura. Duh."  
  
"When did she and I first kiss?" he asked.  
  
She smirked. "We haven't."  
  
His jaw dropped. "Shoot."  
  
She giggled and jumped off the swing. "Well, there's always a first time." She knelt before him and smiled.  
  
He could only look at her.  
  
She touched his lips with hers.  
  
When she pulled away, she asked, "Believe me now?"  
  
Amber met emerald.  
  
"Sakura."  
  
Her smile widened.  
  
"But... what is this place?" he questioned.  
  
"This?" she waved a hand to indicate the surroundings. "This is what could've been for you and me, Syaoran-kun."  
  
"What.. could've been?"  
  
She waited 'til he put two and two together, and then for the tirade.  
  
"What do you mean, could've?" he asked. "You're gonna get well!"  
  
She smiled sadly. "No, Syaoran. I'm here... because I won't get well. To tell you... goodbye."  
  
"You're not going anywhere!" he replied vehemently. "You're staying with me! We'll fight this together! I'll... fight it for you..."  
  
"I've always told you, Syaoran-kun. Some things you can protect me from. Some things you can fight for me. But some things..." her voice broke. "Some things are just inevitable."  
  
"You told me you'd fight it, too."  
  
"I did. I tried. But it's my time, Syaoran-kun. I have to leave you now."  
  
He looked around. "This... this is what could've been? For us?"  
  
She nodded. "If I didn't get leukemia.. I'd never ask you to go away. We'd finish school, get married, and live in that house over there." She pointed to the white house. "And we'd have children. A daughter and a son. But..... now...."  
  
"We'll never have that?" he asked. "We'll never have a future?"  
  
"You will," she stated softly. "I won't."  
  
He turned to her. "You can't leave me. I'd rather die than live without you anyway." He held her in his arms tightly, hoping against hope that if he never let her go, she'd always stay with him. Frozen in time, in his embrace. Forever.  
  
"No!" she exclaimed. "If you do that... you'll destroy everything I wanted for us. For you. Life is worth so much more, koishii. So much more."  
  
"Sakura..."   
  
"You're going to have to let me go at some point or another Syaoran-kun. Sooner or later. Even if I lived, I'd die, too. With everything else, sooner or later. It just so happens that I have to go sooner than expected," she whispered.  
  
She felt his tears flow down and felt her own bubbling up. "Don't cry, Syaoran-kun. We'll be together soon. One day...."  
  
"I don't want another day. We're here now. You're here now."  
  
"I have to go.."  
  
"No."  
  
She looked up at him. "Don't make this any harder than it already is."  
  
"Don't go."  
  
Just that. She would've given up eternity for him. Given up celestiality for him. But that wouldn't be fair at all. He deserved a new life. A future. He deserved LIFE. He deserved what she was not given.  
  
He would have it all. He would live on, move on, be happy. He would get over her. Raise a family. It had all been revealed to her. And she... she had to go now.   
  
"Syaoran-kun," she began.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never forget what you see. Never forget my words. Because as long as I'm in your memories, as long as I'm in your heart, I will live always. I will love you, always, forever." she whispered. "Promise me."  
  
His chest constricted painfully as he looked into her still-clear emerald eyes. "I... I promise," he whispered in defeat, acceptance.  
  
"I love you. I will always and beyond forever love you. Do you understand? Know that I love you. Always. Forever. Beyond forever."  
  
"Always, forever," he repeated. "And I.. I will love you for eternity."  
  
"I have to go," she said. "I love you. Beyond forever."  
  
Beyond forever.  
  
"SAKURA!!!"  
  
  
**Spread your wings and prepare to fly  
For you have become a butterfly  
Fly abandonedly into the sun  
If you should return to me  
We truly were meant to be  
So spread your wings and fly... butterfly...**  
  
  
People had gathered around Eriol and Tomoyo.  
  
And then, snow began to fall.  
  
Or was it snow?  
  
"Hey--" Tomoyo heard someone say. "It's cherry blossoms. Falling from the sky."  
  
She stiffened.  
  
*Sakura...*  
  
She leaned into Eriol, weakened.  
  
  
**I have learned that beauty   
has to flourish in the light  
Wild horses run unbridled  
or their spirit dies  
You have given me the courage to be all that I can  
And I do believe your heart will lead you back to me  
When you're ready to land...**  
  
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~  
  
Touya fell to the floor in defeat. "Imouto... Sakura..."  
  
She had flatlined.  
  
Syaoran woke up with a start. He already had tears in his eyes.  
  
Doctors and nurses gathered around, but Syaoran knew their efforts would be futile.   
  
*"Never forget what you see."  
  
"Never forget my words."  
  
"I will love you, always, forever."  
  
"Beyond forever."*  
  
He held her hand tightly. *And I... I will love you for eternity.*  
  
His hand was losing his grip on her.  
  
Then her hand slipped from his grasp completely.  
  
And then he knew she was gone.  
  
*I love you.*  
  
**Spread your wings and fly... butterfly...**  
  
--End  
  
Author's Notes: Finally, I finished uploading "To Catch...". It was a hard journey, but I did it in time for Christmas, so this serves as my Yuletide Special.  
  
I would like to thank the people who review me on fanfiction.net, for encouraging me to continue with this and for the compliments, I thank you all.  
  
And also Joyce-chan, my best friend, who cried over this little piece of work. Sorry, guys. You all knew this was gonna be tragic. I told you so.  
  
And to syaoran no hime, who I hope is okay and who Chapter 6 is dedicated to.  
  
And to Rachelle/Luna-chan, who did the fanwork for this story.  
  
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.  
  
--kai, 122301 


	8. Syaoran's Eulogy: A Goodbye To Love

DISCLAIMER: I don't own CCS or CLAMP. Characters used without permission.  
  
To Catch A Falling Star: Epilogue  
  
A Goodbye to Love  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
The halls of the church quieted when a young man stepped up to the podium.  
  
They all knew this boy, he who stood there, ready to deliver his speech before them. He had been the one who knew the girl they were mourning most of all. He loved her most of all. He had held her above all else, and they all knew that such pure love must not end in this tragedy.   
  
But it did.  
  
And so they looked up at him.  
  
They could see it in his eyes.  
  
He was feeling a world of pain.  
  
He spoke.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
I first met Kinomoto Sakura when she and I were fourth graders at Tomoeda Elementary. I had just arrived from Hong Kong then to follow on my mother's wishes. Sakura came off instantly as weak and unreliable, and I hated her on sight, which is very judgmental of me. But that's what I saw.  
  
But the girl set out to prove me wrong.  
  
She equaled, if not bested, many of my abilities. Anything I could do, she could do a lot better, and sometimes it irritated me that she who I thought was weak actually had some gumption hidden in her. And it wasn't just that.  
  
In one year I realized that Kinomoto Sakura was a lot of things that I wasn't and could only hope to be.  
  
And so I began to hold a grudging respect for her, because she was real, and nice, and she helped whenever she could. She had become a fixation in my life, without even trying.  
  
She and I became a tandem in the succeeding two years, helping each other out. And I began to see just how good a person she was.  
  
In the third year I realized with a start that I had begun to need Sakura. And I realized also, with some horror, that I had feelings for her. Strong feelings I couldn't dare acknowledge.  
  
I don't know what got me, really. She had been just SHE. She had captured my heart in the exact same way she did everything. Brilliantly.   
  
I loved her for her spunk, I loved her for her determination. I loved her for her kindness and simplicity and her gentleness and her unwavering faith. But I loved her most of all for her strength and her weakness, at the same time.  
  
Sakura was strong as she was determined, and she could do anything she set her mind to. She could stand alone in any situation.  
  
But she was weak and needed me to protect her. And she would only call for me to catch her without fail, come hell or high water.  
  
I fell in love with her, and by some miracle of God she fell in love with me.  
  
But things would never always be so perfect.  
  
Seven years ago she and I got into a monumental argument that caused me to leave Japan and return to Hong Kong. If only I knew the truth.  
  
Because that same year she was diagnosed with leukemia.  
  
I found out the truth eventually, only just this year. And I regret to say that I wasn't there for her when she really needed me to be. I didn't know. She didn't want to let me know. She pushed me away to keep me safe from the pain of losing her eventually.  
  
I wish she hadn't done it.   
  
Sakura died in my arms two nights ago.  
  
I will remember her always as cheerful and bright and sunny, hyper, fun. I will remember her kindness when she deals with others and I will remember the fire that kept her going even when the chances were against her.  
  
I will remember her unwavering faith in me, and my ability to protect her and catch her when she fell.  
  
I will remember that she loved me to the point that she would let her own feelings be sacrificed for my sake.  
  
And I will love her for all eternity.... beyond forever.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
And somewhere, up in the skies, an extraordinary young woman smiled.  
  
  
  
  
-The End- 


End file.
